so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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