onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
