i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
