I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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