I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
