After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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