JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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