Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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