The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
