It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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