The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
