I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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