i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize