is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
