I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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