u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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