Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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