God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
