she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
did i walk over a car last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
