quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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