Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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