The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
