Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize