I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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