It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
