We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
