Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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