that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
pop tarts are not kleenex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
