Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize