im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
