Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
