i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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