he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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