My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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