I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize