I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize