I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
