I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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