jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
