Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
