We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize