Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's always time for handjobs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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