Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
