my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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