shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
