I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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