I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
