in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
