i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
