A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
