so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize