Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
