party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
