i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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