Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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