Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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