It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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