dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
