Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
