I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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