i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
