Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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