I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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