Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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