so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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