i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
