I bet he comes in French.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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