I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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