He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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