girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
