Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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