hell yes lets make some ravioli
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
