I need to stop coming to work sober
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
