I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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