Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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