found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
