Screwed.edu
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
