once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
