i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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