did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
